Changes..

Hello. It's me (Adele pun intended)

It's been a while...

To cut the story short, I haven't really been feeling this blogging thing. I'd felt for a while that my content was not original, nor good enough. Everyone is talking about makeup, beauty & skincare these days and I feel like there are far better blogs than mine and I'm just not happy doing it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love all things beauty, fashion and makeup but I want to talk about more important things in life. I will still be doing some beauty related videos if you want to check them out on my channel.

I want to get deep, talk about meaningful topics, learn what people are passionate about and what makes them happy. I want to travel more often and blog about it. I want to see the world in a different way and I want to share my perspective of the world with you.

I'm a very introverted human being. This means that I think a LOT. Generally, I think more than I speak and sometimes this is quite overwhelming because one's own thoughts can be quite dangerous, especially if we are not sharing them with anyone or if you're going through a rough patch in life. So, I thought I should start blogging again and share my thoughts with the world. 

In all honesty, I haven't been happy for a very long time. And when I mean happy, I mean that content feeling when you know everything will be ok and that everything will sort itself out. Life can rip away anything from you at any time. Maybe when you're least expecting it or when you are at the happiest moment in your life but life is always there to create an unhappiness. 
No one is ever truly happy. Or am I just being pessimistic? Does time really heal wounds or allow you to grieve? Will I ever feel reassured again? I don't know but right now it sure does not feel like it. 

I have happy moments in my life, where I laugh with my close friends and family. But there is this emptiness inside and it feels like it will never be filled. It's just a whole great feeling of sadness that washes over me and leaves me in a slumber that's hard to get out of. I think that's why I have been quite unstable recently. I'm constantly thinking about how I can be happy but every time the sadness wins. It's like a blanket of sadness smothering you, not allowing you to see past the misery that you feel. 

Anyone can fake happiness, especially on social media. A funny video on Snapchat, a smiley selfie posted to Instagram, funny tweets on Twitter.... It's like you can almost deceive yourself in to believing that you are ok by perceiving yourself online as a happy person. It's like you have an online persona that's living a better life than you actually are. 

Every person you pass on the street has lived their life in a completely different way to you, battled their own struggles or continues to fight a mental health problem but we just don't know. Because we hide ourselves through smiling and laughing. I don't know about you but I prefer not to open to many people. Purely because I feel as though I am opening up myself to vulnerability and knowing that others know of my weaknesses makes me feel weak. I don't even know if that made sense but it's a weird feeling of not wanting to feel degraded by my problems.

I could probably continue writing about this for a long time but I should probably stop here so it doesn't seem like a long-winded essay. 

Let me know what your opinions are, obviously not everyone will agree with me but that's life and we all have our opinions. Maybe mine are clouded by my current state. 

You can leave me a comment here or find me on Twitter @_m4ryam_ or Instagram @m4ryam

Thanks for reading, 

Maryam.

My Daily Makeup Routine

My signature makeup has been the same for probably about two years. Whenever I have to be ready for something I automatically without thinking do this makeup look. Sorry if you have been following me for a while and know that this isn't anything different but I feel comfortable in it and I really love all the products that I am using at the moment which have changed since my last makeup routine.

To start, I have been using my CHANEL CONCEALER under my eyes and instead of using foundation I take my Charlotte Tilbury 'The Retoucher' concealer in the shade Medium 3. I use this around my nose, chin and forehead to even out the colour of my face. I find this really handy for evening my skin colour out because I don't like to wear foundation every single day so this new method isn't caky nor heavy looking whilst still providing a flawless base. 

On my cheeks I always sweep on Benefits Hoola Bronzer followed by another colour from the Benefit Cheeky Sweet Spot Palette, I normally choose whatever I'm feeling that day but it's usually Rockateur because I like the warm tone. I also use the Jaclyn Hill Champagne Pop highlighter by Becca. This is the highlighter of dreams!!! It's such a gorgeous rose gold colour and applies smoothly and is suitable for both day (applied lightly) and night.

For my eyes, winged eyeliner is always a must! It's my staple, I don't feel like myself without it which is weird but it's part of my everyday routine now and I like the way it makes my eyes look. I use the Soap & Glory felt tip eyeliner pen which is really nice. I don't usually repurchase black eyeliners because I like trying different brands but I recently was on the lookout for another after my previous one run out. I remembered how much I loved the Soap & Glory one - it's a nice, intense black, applies nicely and stays all day. Plus, it's from Boots so it's not pricey at all! 

For my mascara I've been using the Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara which has been hugely hyped up recently but in all honesty I don't like it THAT much. I still use it everyday but I find that: 1)way too much product is on the brush so I wipe most of it off 2) It's slightly clumpy but not that clumpy, it's just not as smooth as I would have liked it to be. Saying that however, I do like the shape of the brush and the formula isn't too wet nor too dry. I still prefer the Tarte Amazonian Clay Mascara though - perfect for natural looking lashes. 

I've been skipping lipstick recently mostly because it always wipes off after I've eaten then I'm too lazy to reapply! In the last couple of days however, I have been smacking this lipstick all over my lips and it's Nars 'Damned' Velvet Matte Lip Pencil. I picked this up last week in London and I bloody love it! It's the perfect 'not too dark, not too bright' pink lipstick. I love the texture, it's matte but not drying at all and if you eat carefully the colour won't budge either!! I've been on the hunt for a colour like this for ages - I've made purchases from Sephora, The Face Shop and Revlon but none of them were the exact shade I wanted so thank you Francois Nars you genius!

That's all for now folks.. Let me know if you have any blogging suggestions as I'm trying to come up with new ideas! x

I'm back + a 90's Inspired OOTD!

Hi there!

It feels so good to be blogging again and I thought I would update you about what has been going on recently. I was looking through some really old blog posts of mine and it reminded me of how much I missed it. 

Let's rewind back to September: 

I went on holiday to Dubai for 10 days. It was a much needed break and I could do a full blog post on that if you wish me to! My family and I stayed at the Four Seasons Resort which was so beautiful, the weather was boiling and I miss it oh so much! 

October: 

I've had a busy October. I started my first year of university. I didn't move out as I was originally supposed to but I'm still at home which I am happy with. I study BSc Media Production and it's completely different to what I expected it to be like! A lot of maths and science is involved which I have always tried to stay away from post high school but so far I haven't found it too bad. I'm enjoying university life, made some nice friends although I am a bit of a loner! I've joined the Media society and I'm looking forward to helping film for a sitcom show next week which will be available to watch on the Demon TV website. 

November: 

I passed my driving test first time!!! This excites me greatly firstly because:

I didn't think I would pass first time and secondly because I've ordered a Mini which is due in December so now I am so excited to pick it up! The car was ordered about 3 weeks before my test so I was so worried that if I had failed I wouldn't be able to drive it until I had passed but woo! Yay for passing.

Another update is that I don't wear a headscarf anymore. I don't want to make a big deal out of this but it's just a change I have made recently for my own happiness and safety. I haven't felt comfortable wearing it for a long time so I spoke to my parents and they told me to do whatever I feel is right. 

Back to the present day!

I met up with my lovely friend Shahista and we went for lunch and she kindly took some outfit photos for me. I bought this shirt yesterday from Zara, I love that it's denim but also that it's got these quirky little stamps all over it. I paired it with my Monki roll neck dress which is amazing! I had this before but it went in the washing machine and ruined so my mum bought me another (thanks mum :)

I stuck on this really old hat from H&M which is all bobbly and frizzly but I didn't mind it because I didn't know what to do with me ol' hair so when in doubt stick a hat on top! 

Then I realised how 90's I looked so I slapped on a brown lipstick - MAC's Whirl which I am loving at the moment. Not a fan of the matte texture but on the plus side it's really long lasting. 

Details: 

Hat: H&M

Scarf: H&M

Denim Shirt: Zara

Dress: Monki 

Leggings: H&M

Boots: H&M

Bag: Tuscany Leather

You can probably tell I am a really awkward poser, I never really know what to do or how to stand without looking like an obnoxious prat! I did get a few funny looks as I stood on New Walk but ah well. Thanks to the lovely Shahista for standing in the cold with me to take these photos.

Expect a new blog post soon! Let me know if you have any requests or suggestions :)

Maryam 

x

Update / Catching Up!

It seems like an awfully long time ago that I sat at this webpage and converted my thoughts on to my screen but here were are and to be honest, it has been a really long time so I thought I would catch up with you! 

So what's happened in my 2 month blog absence?

1) It was my blog's 2nd birthday on the 5th August, it's crazy to think I have been blogging for 2 years (mind the absences). 

2) I went to Dubai! A very very stressful year it has been so a break for a long 10 days was much appreciated! My family and I stayed at the Four Seasons Resort but there will be a separate post on that!

3) Eid. I usually do a blog post and 'Get Ready with Me' on Eid but this time round I was just not up to it. I got sick after the holiday and there was nothing glamorous about it, thus no video or blog post but it was still a nice day with the family. We bought an IO Hawk in Dubai so that was the main attraction of the day. 

4) I started university! It's very surreal to write that. University is always something I have wandered and dreamed of and after a first week of inductions, registration and random Freshers' events I feel slightly overwhelmed yet excited for the future. 

Updated Makeup Storage / My Makeshift dressing table

A few months ago, I did a makeup collection video. Since then my collection may have increased just a liiitle *she says nervously* For some reason my lipstick collection has seemingly expanded and I needed better organisation. If you saw that video you would know I kept all of my makeup in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe. However, after I finished my exams I had a whole chest of drawers that were free from paperwork *sighs in relief!* And the drawers needed filling up so what better time reorganise my stash. 

I wanted to created my own makeshift dressing table seeing as I don't have one at the moment so I did a few things to make it a little more 'dressing table-ey'. 

This is the little corner of my makeup room. I bought this mirror from Homesense for around £20. The little pots are from India as a gift from my lovely aunty Peeny and the Laduree box contains a very delicious looking macaroon keyring. My brushes are held in this cute little pot from a little independent store in the Leicester Lanes. 

I took these pictures below at night so the blinds were down but during the day I get really good lighting because of the big windows. 

This chair is actually for my desk so I take it up and down my room when I need it.

More importantly, what's inside the drawers! In the first top drawer I keep my mascaras, eyeliners, foundations, concealers, lipsticks and cream eyeshadows and gel eyeliners. These storage containers from Muji come in very handy to section everything off. I've also got a set of false individual lashes and my Real Techniques Makeup sponge on their lonesome as they fit that space nicely. 

I still need a better solution in storing those MAC Lipsticks because they are currently jumbled up in there so if you have any suggestions please let me know! 

In the drawer next to this I stare my face powders, blushers, bronzers, skincare, nail polishes and random bits and bobs such as deodorant, hijab pins and makeup remover

Then, in the 3rd drawer, I reorganised my jewellery collection in to this handy unit from Stackers which I got in John Lewis. I placed that in the middle and There was enough space for my makeup palettes to fit around it perfectly! 

And that is it folks! For now, it's working extremely well. It's so easy to keep it neat and organised as everthing has it's own place. I am thinking of a better way to store my MAC lipsticks as it's do damn annoying trying to find the exact one you want! *reminisces of endless days picking up each lipstick to find the exact one I wanted* can you relate?

Take care,

Maryam.

The Thoughts of an Introvert #3: Who Am I?

Who am I? Who are you? Do we truly know we are? Do our passions, hobbies, interests define us or is it the way we act, think or carry ourselves? What makes you the person you are?

In all honesty I do not really know who I am. I know what I am and what my purpose here is but who am I truly? At my age, I feel like I am at this awkward stage of trying to figure out who I am, whilst being told what I should expected to be and what is expected of me.  

What I most look forward to is the age where I can finally say 'this is who I am' or this is what was meant for me. I want to be happy, content with what I have achieved. I want to be loved but to also be at ease with myself (something I have not been throughout 99% of my teen years)

This awkward age where you are ending your teen years, not quite the end and entering your adult life but not quite there yet, is a difficult and confusing path to lead. Why? Because, there are instilled expectations of what you must be doing or if you are not following a social norm you can be classified as deviant. A lot of 'older' people seem to look down and frown upon the idea of not going to university, sorry but there are people out there who don't want to leave uni and start their lives in £50K debt! (I am going to uni but I'm speaking for the 'non uni attendees' here!) 

I have always wanted the 'university experience' and I am bloody excited (and nervous) to start this October but there is something about fresh starts that is so 'refreshing'? XD 

I feel as though university may be able to provide me with the chance to get to know myself and give myself the opportunity to find more about me. As I get to do a course I am so passionate about, I can focus my energy in a positive way, surely it can only bring about the best? 

Maybe not. 

But God is the best of planners and if I don't find myself at uni, I don't. It is only what I hope to expect. But sometimes expectations are disappointing (we can't always be optimistic, let's be real). Many people do not find themselves until they reach their 30's. 40's. 50's. 60's.. And that's ok. 

Do you know who you really are?

The Thoughts of an Introvert #2: Beauty Standards

What provoked this post was a chat with a friend regarding odd beauty standards and the idealised image of how men and women 'should' look. We recognised that the definition of beauty in many societies is the 'Western White' person i.e. fair skin, light eyes etc. I do believe that modern society is slightly more accepting of all skin tones but there is still this underlying idea of the superiority of being white. I'm going to point out a few of these ideas: 

Source: Google Images

- This goes way beyond makeup but I still wanted to make this point. Many many many makeup brands only cater for lighter, fairer skin tones. Is there a clear reason for this? The beauty industry is incredibly massive yet there are brands that that will only befit a fairer woman. 

- Deep down, there seems to be an ideology that fairer skin is more beautiful than dark skin. Why do women (what I've heard happens in Pakistan & India) bleach their skin to make the appearance lighter? Somewhere, somehow the idea of fairness being superior has become the supreme ideology and it has been instilled in to the minds of people who may not be as fair. Ultimately this instigates insecurities and leads to the interference of nature because we suddenly become unhappy with how dark our skin is. The way I see it, I believe we should be happy with whatever God has blessed us with because we are healthy, sheltered, with food on our plates and clean water running through our taps. 

I came across a quote today:

'If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be' - Unknown.

I think this is spot on! A beautiful soul is a beautiful human being and I am lucky to be surrounded by many beautiful souls of all colour and race.  Once you recognise a beautiful and fascinating soul, appearance means nothing. I am grateful to have friends of all colours, races and that we are able to 'be' friends because many many years ago that would not have been possible. We are still a long way from equality, but there has been massive progression in the past years which counts for something! 

Whether you have fair skin, dark skin, olive skin, dark or light eyes you are beautiful because that is what God has willed for you to be! And there is no questioning the beauty of God's creation! 

I admit, sometimes I wish I had lighter eyes or there are other things I wish I could change about my appearance but this means nothing when I have so many other things to be appreciative and grateful for when other people in this world have no idea about beauty standards but rather are worrying if they will be able to drink clean water or feed their children that night. 

If you would like to let me know your thoughts on this topic, leave a comment below!
P.S: Sorry my 'Thoughts of an Introvert' blog series have been 5 months apart but sometimes it's hard to get it all in writing! I'll try my best for my next one to be in the near future rather than distant!

Thanks for reading. 

Maryam