Hello. It's me (Adele pun intended)
It's been a while...
To cut the story short, I haven't really been feeling this blogging thing. I'd felt for a while that my content was not original, nor good enough. Everyone is talking about makeup, beauty & skincare these days and I feel like there are far better blogs than mine and I'm just not happy doing it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love all things beauty, fashion and makeup but I want to talk about more important things in life. I will still be doing some beauty related videos if you want to check them out on my channel.
I want to get deep, talk about meaningful topics, learn what people are passionate about and what makes them happy. I want to travel more often and blog about it. I want to see the world in a different way and I want to share my perspective of the world with you.
I'm a very introverted human being. This means that I think a LOT. Generally, I think more than I speak and sometimes this is quite overwhelming because one's own thoughts can be quite dangerous, especially if we are not sharing them with anyone or if you're going through a rough patch in life. So, I thought I should start blogging again and share my thoughts with the world.
In all honesty, I haven't been happy for a very long time. And when I mean happy, I mean that content feeling when you know everything will be ok and that everything will sort itself out. Life can rip away anything from you at any time. Maybe when you're least expecting it or when you are at the happiest moment in your life but life is always there to create an unhappiness.
No one is ever truly happy. Or am I just being pessimistic? Does time really heal wounds or allow you to grieve? Will I ever feel reassured again? I don't know but right now it sure does not feel like it.
I have happy moments in my life, where I laugh with my close friends and family. But there is this emptiness inside and it feels like it will never be filled. It's just a whole great feeling of sadness that washes over me and leaves me in a slumber that's hard to get out of. I think that's why I have been quite unstable recently. I'm constantly thinking about how I can be happy but every time the sadness wins. It's like a blanket of sadness smothering you, not allowing you to see past the misery that you feel.
Anyone can fake happiness, especially on social media. A funny video on Snapchat, a smiley selfie posted to Instagram, funny tweets on Twitter.... It's like you can almost deceive yourself in to believing that you are ok by perceiving yourself online as a happy person. It's like you have an online persona that's living a better life than you actually are.
Every person you pass on the street has lived their life in a completely different way to you, battled their own struggles or continues to fight a mental health problem but we just don't know. Because we hide ourselves through smiling and laughing. I don't know about you but I prefer not to open to many people. Purely because I feel as though I am opening up myself to vulnerability and knowing that others know of my weaknesses makes me feel weak. I don't even know if that made sense but it's a weird feeling of not wanting to feel degraded by my problems.
I could probably continue writing about this for a long time but I should probably stop here so it doesn't seem like a long-winded essay.
Let me know what your opinions are, obviously not everyone will agree with me but that's life and we all have our opinions. Maybe mine are clouded by my current state.
You can leave me a comment here or find me on Twitter @_m4ryam_ or Instagram @m4ryam
Thanks for reading,
Maryam.
